Fortunately, bad things sometimes
come to an end. Even allergies!
In my sitting-about over the last week and a half or so, I have come to some salient conclusions about life (and maybe the universe and everything). So, I’m thinking, why not share my
willy sisdom silly wisdom with the world.
Thus, I offer you my brief-ish spin, in list form, on being under the weather, which I hope you’ll find amusing. Goodness knows, the world needs a smile or two these days.
12 Signs You’ve Entered the Allerpocalypse
- Even your allergic shiners have allergic shiners.
- Provided you can still speak, you have gone from falsetto to baritone in one day (without experiencing puberty).
- You have enough balled-up tissues in the trash can to fill a life-sized R2-D2 every hour. (RIP, Kenny Baker.)
- It is very possible you’ve watched enough cruddy television to detach twenty retinas and wipe multiple minds of intelligent thought.
- Your head feels both curiously full and egregiously empty. It’s as if Lizzie Borden has given your skull 40 whacks but has left the axe blade there on the last one, like you’re some 20th century Phineas Gage.
- Speaking of skulls . . . at this point, you are 100% willing to undergo skull trephination to let out the evil spirits (lovingly dubbed Mucodon and Sneezmodeus).
- At one point you’re so delusional you imagine you’re George R.R. Martin and accidentally almost kill yourself with a pen.
- You hallucinate that your neck has started filling with bilgey ocean water (including all the plastic crap therein) or else it’s split open and the top of your head’s fallen off.
- Like Logan, all you’re seeking is sanctuary. Freedom from mucus is a human right, by your reckoning!
- You realize tears are just fate’s way of reminding you you’re not dead yet (hope springs eternal).
- It’s possible, you think, that you’ve invented a new ‘holistic’ treatment modality— 21st-century cupping—wherein you drape a towel over your head while putting your face in a steaming hot cup of tea (or toddy or whatever works for you). And unlike Bill Clinton, you did inhale.
- All in all, the important thing dawns on you: At least it’s not a/the Trumpocalypse.
With that said and done, I hope to begin visiting and commenting on all of y’alls blawgs that I’ve been sad to miss during my involuntary absence. Keep up the creativity! 🙂