The Unbearable Density of Confidence

Self-Confidence Ahem. Over here. See me? I’m that invisible girl in the corner. I’m the joists, nails, and boards just behind the wallflower.

Long gone are the days when “talks too much” and “finishes work early and distracts classmates” were written on my report card.

That said, I began this blog—if neither a writecraft chiseler nor an editorial bonesaw—to trephine something consequential from me and put it on the ephemeral e-page. Given that some of my writing here has smacked of semi-autobiography (either that or it’s been flattened by the semi wheels of autobiography), this self-exposure has not always been a lingering tiptoe through two-lipped prose. Rather, it has at times been a steeltrap bandolier across the throat and chest. The clink of a prison door closing, a book’s cover shut with the bite force of a saltwater crocodile. But I hyperbolize!

This blog represents the confidence I’d like to wrest from the jaws of stoicism and regret, my willingness to kill my prose darlings and invite you to silver bullet them, too.

In life, Jacob Marley was . . . Erm, in my real life, I’m a more or less ordinary uniquity: mom, wife, reader, writer, editor, jogger/runner, gardener, Nature-lover, musician wannabe, eater of delicious Indian dals and Greek delicacies (among many other favorites), overindulger of chocolates and sweets and herbal teas, introvert, and fellow passenger on Spaceship Earth. With the vagaries, confidences, anxieties, plans, and scars most other people possess.

“I am large, I contain multitudes.”

I can’t claim those lines. Poet Walt Whitman wrote them in “Song of Myself.” But, thanks to Chris Donner’s clarion call to self-expression, I get to wax philosophical on myself, which evokes a certain amount of existential discomfort. But if this blog is to be a creative expression, as much as I shy away from confessionals, then this post is the full flowering of that unease. It is an experiment in creative confidence as much as i-want-confidence-kitten-lionself-confidence. (Read more about creative confidence here.)

Let this blog and, moreover, this post be the opening keystrokes to bringing that anxious, frightened girl out of her lonely corner. And into your world. I’m ever-grateful that you invited her (okay, me!) in for a spell.

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8 thoughts on “The Unbearable Density of Confidence

  1. I for one am happy to see you share your thoughts and feelings into words, not many people out there write enough how they feel and too much what they hope others like 🙂

  2. Me , too, Leigh. Me, too. Writing is difficult, maintaining any semblance of creative confidence even more so. By the way — I got that “talks too much” a lot on report cards, too.

  3. you have a great blog. anybody says otherwise, i’d smack them in the face. i like the way you express yourself in words that i have to run to the dictionary to find out what they mean and then try to figure out what you really mean and finally to realize that you’d just trying to say it as it is. you’re a born writer.

  4. It can be hard to write something revealing about ourselves – but as a blog reader, I love to know more about the person behind the words. May your confidence soar (well, not so much that you become a pompous jerk, okay? 🙂 )

  5. Trephine might be my new favourite word. I love the indulgence in language here, Despite the emotional exposure of the subject you are reveling in the richness of the words.

  6. Hope your confidence is growing steadily Leigh. What an amazing writer you are! As one of the other comments pointed out I\ like knowing more about those who are reading my blog and those I read.

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